The more I’m surrounded by today’s hustle and bustle and modern day living where every 30-something neeeeeeds an “epic Bali adventure”, a “sickkkk vacation to Europe”, or constant nights out, I find myself asking repeatedly, “What if I’m okay with living the simple life now? What if I’m totally okay with not getting a babysitter on the weekends to go out? What if I’m okay with a little girl who still crawls into my bed to co-sleep and take up my entire king-sized bed, leaving me a little sliver of space? What if I’m content and totally okay with the fact that my weekends now consist of waking up before 8 am to a little girl jumping on my bed or poking my eyeballs with a My Little Pony figurine? What if I’m okay with giving up dining out and staying in to watch Pokemon and eat Mac-n-Cheese in sweat pants? What if I’m HAPPY because I’m living that simple, “boring” momma life?!”
I get used to my little human roomie best friend 24/7. I get used to feeling like I can never catch my breath or catch up on errands, laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning, or…life. I get used to feeling anxious. I get used to feeling like I never have enough time, enough patience, or enough love to go around. Because I get used to feeling SO MUCH LOVE. Like, an infinite love. A mother’s love. A real, human love I’ve never felt before – to the simple life. To my little girl. To my “boring” life.
Amongst the chaos of “just” being a momma, I also work full-time and run my blog. I may have a really messed up back, a handful of gray hairs, fresh crow’s feet that have blessed my brown-eyed face, and a mind that never seems to turn off to let me sleep more than 4ish hours a night; but even with those “broken” parts of me, I am grateful. I am happy. I am positive. And I love the little, simple moments that make up each and every part of my life as a mom. My life as a 33-year-old. My life as Thuy, “the momma”.
So what if I don’t want to spend my free time backpacking through the fiords of the South Pacific? (Actually, that sounds pretty nice, but hear me out…) What if I don’t want to feel like a world away from my little one…ever? What if I don’t want to worry about not having cellphone service in a third world country that may mean I can’t wifi my daughter every morning and evening? What if I never want to worry that I am further than a few hour plane ride away from my little cub? What if I find the most pride, the most happiness, and the most fulfilment from being a true local where we live, exploring every nook and cranny of Regina? What if right now I can’t commit any free time to volunteer or donate extra money to school fundraisers? What if all of that is SO normal, SO okay, and SO judgement-free from others? What if that is part of my world, because my little girl IS my whole wide world?
Because, right now, she is little. L.I.T.T.L.E. She is 7. Which means, 7 years ago, she was still kicking me in the ribs and hearing my beating heart from the inside. A brand new little being who appeared on this planet with bright eyes and her whole life ahead of her that hadn’t been written yet; hadn’t been influenced; hadn’t been persuaded by anything or anyone in the “outside” world. She could and can, be whoever she wants to be. She can believe in whatever she wants to believe in, dream whatever dreams she wants to daydream, set whatever goals her heart desires.
Because of that, I’m 1000% more than okay with being “simple.” With giving my whole heart and whole wide world to these moments, right here, right now. I know one day, her bad dreams will fade and her confidence will blossom, and she will eventually no longer crawl into “our bed” for comfort. Eventually Disney movies will turn into going to the movies with friends. Our special weekends, just the two of us, will someday be filled with sleepovers with little girls who run wild and the shuffle between dance, gymnastics, kung-fu and surf contests. One day she won’t want night-night kisses, snuggles, and 23947 bedtime stories, or “just oneeeeeee more show”. I know all of that. She will grow. As will I. So THAT is why I don’t need an epic international adventure right now, when I have the greatest adventure of all right here at home. That is why I’m content, excited, and thrilled to be a momma of a little girl who’s making memories with me and creating our little life. In our home. In our yard. In our local area, or on the staycations or vacations we plan, together. We explore and enjoy our favourite hobbies, things, foods, and adventures as a unit. As a family. I treasure this time being present in our “plain” incomplex transparent little life full of love, experiences, and the comfort of our routines that make a house a home and our life an adventure. And an incredibly epic and peaceful one at that.